so yeah

no pictures. dont even bother at all. had a nice night with some people. nice. decent. not too bad.

but then i saw someone that reminded me of someone back in auckland, and no, it's not yasmin. and for some reason lots of people know yasmin already lmao.

tho i do wish i did somethings differently back then, i dont regret it. i learn. :P

sister is taking too long in the toilet D:

beautiful sunday morning!

what to do when you miss someone so terribly? even after you've tried msging that person, but afraid to call because you're scared to bother. second msg sent, and still no reply after days?

" ok i got what you mean. you dont want to see me again?"

"im going crazy over you please bloody send me a txt to let me know, at least, that you're still alive and breathing."

*sighigh.*

gotta keep your chin up no matter what!

and what do i do when i know i wont be seeing you again for the next few months.

I still think of times i had with you guys

Each and everyone of you back in secondary school. I've been insomniac for the past few nights, and all i think about are those wonderful happy happy times that i dreadfully miss.

And of course, it includes you, Aaron. That dream i had about you. Thanks.

For those who didnt read about my dream i posted on his facebook wall here it is. The day i remembered about what i dreamt, i had just had to post it up - right before catching the bus. I couldn't just leave it in my head.

so the dream went like this:

I was just standing there, facing this blank grey wall. Someone standing to my left, i couldn't make out who. I was just minding my own business and then this guy, familiar face - a face i knew i missed. He popped up from behind the wall I was facing. On him was a red polo, donned with thin horizontal white stripes. It took me a moment to realise who this guy was.

With a blank look, he handed me a pink box (very much like those cake boxes). Smiled and disappeared behind the very same wall. Confused much? VERY. I stood there holding that box - very very confused.

Seconds later, that guy, that devil of a guy. He came back behind the wall, "JUST JOKING LAH!" I was still pretty much confused. I smiled nonetheless. Blissed because he heard me and decided to give me a quick visit. He put his arm around me, started talking (cant remember about what). Right before he disappeared, he said, "So you're behaving right? I know you are. Keep it up! Be a good girl kay?" (there's a reason this means so much to me)

Guys, if you saw what you say you'd know he was in a much better place. His face was just beaming. It was seriously glowing, and he had the biggest, most genuine smile I've ever witness. It was so vivid, i cannot and will not forget that image.

And when i looked back at the box, it was a bowl. An orange bowl - very much like those kopitiam kolo mee bowls. "yes, he remembered our promise to enjoy a bowl of authentic kuching kolo mee together when i get back."

I miss you aaron. you know that. XD

One reason this meant so much to me is, not only did i 'asked' for a visit when i really missed him, but when i did - Jesse and Morgan told me being the person he was , he'd probably prank or surprised me. He did exactly that. And it's mind blowing. Including that bowl of kolo mee.

-----

And the rest of you guys! You know who you are, and even the ones who think they're not one of those im mentioning. When i say you guys, i meant it. All of you. 5A. 3B. I count my blessings everyday - and thank the good Lord i have such wonderful and accepting friends in the world.

Yes world, be jealous. BE F****** jealous. I have the BEST FRIENDS on earth. notice the s? PLURAL MUDAFUKKA. They are all F****** fantastic, you have no idea how amazing they are. Always there when you need them. And when you tell them something you fear might put them of, they surprise you and love you even more.

Best fucking friends in the world.

---

and as for my family. I never dared say how much i miss you guys - mainly because you idiots guys have some sort of unwritten policy to hardly say a word about missing each other or something. But damn, do i miss my brother. I was disappointed when he told me earlier that he might not be going back to Kch this year.

Little sis, you idiot - you'll get a good sisterly beating first thing i see you.

Old hag of an older sister - i love you, but let me help you! and tell me you love me too.

Mom - i've always told you and you know. sorry i get on your nerves too much, but sometimes you have to compromise.

Dad - i want to spend more time with you! D8 Like, sitting in front of the tv set and just watching a movie quietly - and then you with your comments on how ridiculous the movie and actors are.

<3

---

and i couldnt have asked for more when i met this girl - who is like a sister to me here. yasmin you ga7ba - this will sound gay. and it is. Im sooooo happy i have someone here who understands and accept me like the people back home. so im glad i met you , you nigga. HAHHA.

imsomniac now. i will try to sleep to wake up early to work on my portfolio.

slept during september

Realized that i didnt update zit during september. And no one woke me up when it ended as well. =(

I woke up myself. nyahah.

Well, finals are in a months time. Gotta sort everything - get back on track. Everything seems to be going well. Studies and all. Picking up slowly. Just hoping i dont somehow lose my mojo.

pls pls.

My bed awaits. Feeling tired after school these few days. Been waking up at 6am and earlier automatically. Feels good. Feels real good.

Missing you guys. XOXO

sick

I somehow managed to catch strep throat from my dear friend, yasmin. =.= Yes, it's infectious. SO i shouldnt go school unless i want to be blamed for giving half the college my sickness.

Great thing is, it's a friday, and i have two more days to heal without my attendence dropping.

Thanks to Panadol night, i finally got rid of that 2 day headache and decent rest. I reallly really dont like my immune system. Back of my throat there are ulcer look a likes everywhere. Disgusting. It looks like it's rotting. D8 so effin horrible. And i went online to learn more about it? The antibiotics given wouldnt neccessarily speed up the healing process - just stop it from being infectious. *sigh*

cant swallow without pain. cant spit without pain. ughh. And i cant eat till im satisfied because that might be too much and i might puke it all out and get hungry again. =(

argh. fml.

oh water!

i spilled a whole litre's worth of water on my carpet last night, and i didnt know. now it's all wet. =(

and omg, someone flyy me to arizona now! My love is waiting for me there! XDD

"love doesnt share itself with the world. love is suspicious. love is needy. love is fearful. love is greedy.

my friends, there is no great love without great jealousy." ~ bender

*i know that totally contradicts my opinion of polyamoric relationships, but it's so true, i have to share it*

Long live futurama.

p/s : leela is hot.

i friggin love art classes

I just love my art periods with my teacher, Jane. She's the coolest teacher EVER. The thing is she appreciates her students art works , so that means our works are on the wall in the college.

yep. It makes me feel good,.. like.. realllly goood. I have two of my woodcuts in the computer lab, one done on a canvas, near the library, and a huge A2 sized one , framed, in th

e principle's office.

ahhah big deal really. no one really looks at them Other students have their art up, esp Yasmin's, because she does really decorative ones.

yasmin, epitome of crazy.

And recently she painted her face, and i collabed by taking the photos! Jane's hubby, Ted,blew the pictures up, HUGE. i'll get pictures of them soon.

These are the ones, i think.

she does really amazing stuff this girl!

----

btw, had the best time last week end climbing up (literally, we got tired of keeping to the walking track, we decided to just climb up the steep hills. uber fun!) mount victoria in devonport. beautiful day it was!

so high up you can see the curve of the earth! that's jacklyn (who shares an uncanny resemblence to ling nie) , from penang!

XD

The beauty myth : Naomi Wolf

Currently reading : The beauty myth. Just 20 pages in, and im already stopping to step back and digest the information slowly - because it is that mindblowing.

Well, that's if you're a feminist. But i got my bubble burst, because seriously, no one is really spared. As long as makeup, weight , heels and cute clothes are involved - women still dont have complete freedom.

If you're thinking that it's a choice to dress up? Guess what? The media has bent your thinking into it is totally your choice. Read it, and think again.

And then again, it's a contradiction, because women now are rejoicing their bodies WITH makeup, a good figure , heels and cute clothes. Either that the thinking has been definitely altered with.

HMM??

Finally, a book im going to read till the end.

cheers.

oh noes!

Currently watching Royal Pains - a medical related series, because ive been deprived of House m.d. so much, i need something to fill in while the next season gets aired.]

Not like Royal Pains can come close to being as great as House m.d. .

But woe is me, as i just learnt that next season is airing on the 21st of sep.

D:<

[edit] Royal pains = very lame. OKay. Not SO lame. But if you adore House like i do, this series is mediocre. Hank Lawson , the main character in this series, is smart and humble. That's just boring. I wouldnt be watching it if it wasnt for the ridiculously hot cast in the show. 4/10.

ai, do the bamboo

Only one paper left. Geography. Last paper. geo is ALWAYS the last paper or something. =.= And guess what? It weighs 30% instead of the 5% or 10% the other papers are. two and a half hours.

ZZZ. Be burning the midnight oil tonight!

miss you guys back home btw.

durhurr exams

NO updates anytime soon. just here to say that, statistics suck.

BIg time.

Phone call scare

I swore i couldve pissed in my pants when i got this particular phone call from this particular person. No it was michael jackson. If it was, i would be up there with him.

I cant say who or what, because people actually read this blog and i dont want that person to know. But i swear. It has scared me enough to reset most of the things i needed resetting.

BUt that was only for a moment. I was shaking. Then i realised, it was actually a wake up call. Goodthing eh? Yes. Plus a dear friend of mine even told me she'd give me a wake up call too. She's all the way in the states. (how sweet!)

It's all good really. i just need to set somethings straight. And i'll be back on my feet - ready to conquer the exams next week. =) *okay, not conquer. just... sit for*

OMGOMGOMG.

Our love will never end, waiting for the soldier to come back again. Never more to be alone. When a letter said, a soldier's coming home.

--

Two days past eighteen. He was waiting for the bus in his army green. Sat down in a booth, the cafe there. Gave his orders to a girl with a bow in her hair.

He's a little shy so she gives him a smile. And he said, "Would you mind sitting down for a while and talk to me? Im feeling a little low."

She said, "Im off in an hour and i know where we can go."

So they went down and sat on the pier. "I betcha got a boyfriend but i dont care, i got no one. To send a letter to.

Would you mind if i send one back here to you?"

So the letters came from an army camp. In california then vietnam. And he told her of his heart might be loving all the things he was so scared of. He said, "When it's getting kinda rough over here, I think of that day sittin down on the pier. And i close my eyes and see your pretty smile.

Dont worry but i wont be able to write for a while."

.

One Friday night at a football game. The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang. A man said "Folks, would you bow your heads for a list of local - Vietnam dead."

Crying all alone under the stands. Was a piccolo player in the marching band. And one name read but nobody really cared.

But a pretty little girl, with a bow in her head.

I cried. Never gonna hold the hand of another guy. Too young for him they told her, waiting for the love of a traveling soldier. Our love will never end, waiting for the soldier to come back again. Never more to be alone.

When a letter said, a soldier's coming home.

RIP Michael Jackson

Sure, i'm a little slow. Actually i didnt even plan on doing a post on him - but after watching his memorial service at the Staples center in LA at 5am, and listening to all those eulogies by close family and friends, i cant help but to.

Now, i'm not going to pretend that his music played a significant part in ALL chapters of my short 18 years of life so far - but i DID grow up listening to his songs, and there's ONE particular song from him that i will NEVER forget. Because it holds so much meaning for me and every one else who knew Aaron. (and plus Aaron loved idolized MJ.)

And in this post, you'll see why im so convinced that there will be no such icon as large as Michael, and that he's a bigger man than what the media have portrayed him.

RIP Michael Jackson

29th August 1958 - 25th June 2009

First off, i dreamt about him when i slept this morning after watching the memorial which ended at 7.45am. (haha, arent i lucky getting a visit from the king of pop in my dreams) Nothing unusual really. We talked like old buddies walking along a street, chatting away. Then when we came to a corner, he walked off and disappeared.

Pretty metaphorical if you ask me. Then i realised that MJ was a great being, a great friend to anyone lucky enough to know him personally. Brooke Shields. Her speech compromised of "giggling" and calling Michael mischievious and stating that he was a great caring person. Very human - and never being a diva about anything. Magic Johnson shared a bucket of KFC with him on the floor -laughing. And he actually cared for his fans. Elizabeth taylor - she was one of the

people wayyyy at the back of one of his concerts, couldnt hear much or see much, so she left the concert halfway. Michael was informed about that and he called her up,crying, and apologized. The proceeded to talk for the next 3 hours.

I dont know any other star this day who would do that.

And when he came to Auckland years ago, one lady on the auckland team said that when he arrived to the hotel, instead of dashing to the lift and to his suite, he stopped and greeted everyone on the staff and giggling while kicking the balloons that covered the entire lobby floor.

He was a great being- he's in the Guinness Book of Records for giving most to charities over the world. He called up Coretta Scott King (Mrs Martin Luther King Jr) when she was ill in bed, all the way from the middle east- told her that he was praying for her and asked her if she had music in her room. She smiled, and according to her daughter, "Her whole face smiled."

That was just to name a few. If you watched the memorial, you know you cant get the image of Paris boldly standing up to the mic, telling the whole world that her daddy was the best, then later crying into Janet's arms. You know you'll never forget that.

MICHAEL jackson. You just have to talk about his music. It was epic! Highest selling album of all time. And Not one of his songs are bad. NOT ONE. (not like i know all, but if he was to have a lousy track, i would've heard of it) Each one was a masterpiece, and some had messages. Powerful messages that, successfully bring people from all over together. Songs about change for the world, starting with the person in the mirror.

He didn just make music. He made history. He broke down the racial divide. He made it possible for all african americans to do what they can today on the world's stage. Because of his music, all his beloved fans can stand united. Without a doubt, he has started the process of healing the world through his music. it's our job to continue that.

The white sequinned glove. The toe stand. The tilted fedoras. The military outfits. The MOON WALK. No other celebrity/icon can leave such an impression on the world.

And im sure no other celebrity can create a media stir like he can. lol. I could remember that time he held Blanket over the balcony and the time he had more plastic surgery or whatever. His going white- hoho, boy can the haters attack. Saying that he wasnt proud of being black. Personally, i felt that he was just trying to make a point. Starting with himself - like he said. No matter if he's black or white, he's still human, he's still breathing, he's still singing, he's still caring. He's still, the ultimate entertainer, Michael Jackson.

So with all this, i truly believe that there will be no icon as large as this. Some reporter said that we cant compare, like how we cant compare anyone to Elvis Presly, we cant compare anyone to Michael Jackson because it's all different. It's true, i agree. But Michael Jackson - was EPIC. IN EVERY SENSE.

his music - EPIC.

his trademarks - EPIC.

his passion to bring the world together - EPIC.

the tabloids. - EPIC.

His love for his fans - EPIC.

His influence on the world - EPIC.

Michael Jackson was IS EPIC. He'll live on as the ultimate entertainer , till the end of time. which i believe with every inch of me.

Im that type to believe that in time, anything could happen. Anything. Anything like , another icon might rise and knock the white socks of Michael. BUT not this time. To me he's the ULTIMATE. Untouched. God bless MJ. (and if there IS a rising star, boy, does he/she have a frikkin tall order)

-----------------

"Smile though your heart is aching" Michael's fav song. And when Brooke Shields told everyone to smile eventhough their hearts were aching, she tried to smile herself. That was the hardest thing to watch, ever. Because losing a great friend is never easy.

ps. Cried mad when heal the world played. It has been 3 months. Happy moonwalking with the king up there, Aaron.

ps.s. Race obviously meant nothing to him. He is my idol for making that clear for millions over the world.

new header up!

I'll post the finished full body version of that picture soon. There's something about the face that i dont like,. but i rather not point it out to myself, because ive spent a good amount of time on it and dont feel like being a failure at the moment. :D

and random eye drawing so this post dont seem as redundant as it is.

It's hard

For over a week now, ive been sleeping at 4am and waking at 2 pm. and no matter how hard i try to break that circle, it just wont.

>.>

Sometimes i even get insomnia at 4 when i try to sleep. D: horror. I even tried to take a 6 hour nap so i'd wake around 9-10 to renew my cycle. (also, i was suppose to get a bunch of books from college to study during this holiday, which is soon coming to its end.)

D:

Btw, any nice songs to share with me? Im getting very sick of my recent playlist.

facebook = friendster?

Last week or so, i had a notification on facebook- an invite from someone to join some group, telling that after inviting at least fifty of your contacts, you have a tracker of somesort, like friendster, to tell who has been viewing your profile.

And today, i saw on the highlight area (right hand column), around 12 from my list joined this group.

Group named "Colour your facebook profile - invite all your friends". They have over 230k members.

Sure, now you get to personalise your facebook background. Later, you can customise your fonts on your page. Soon, your cursors turn into pink unicorns when you stumble across an aquaintance's page. NOW, doesnt that just sound oh too familiar?

Friendster.

One of the reasons why i left FS:

Weirdos/Pervs can send you messages like these. If im not mistaken Facebook allows you to tweak your settings, only allowing friends to send you messages. Im not too sure about friendster though. (too lazy to do any research for now)

Main point is, i dont want to see facebook turn into the next friendster. I love the plain professional blue and white. I dont really mind personalised backgrounds, but one thing always leads to another. And as for getting notifications for who has viewed your profile? I really dont want to know who has been stalking me *perasan* (or people finding out i've been stalking them).

Facebook is NOT friendster.

Let it stay that way please.

ZUMBA!

You know how ive kept posting about how i always want to learn how to latin dance? And how much i want to exercise?

Well,i was sitting on my fat ass watching tv 3 in the morning at samantha's place muching away on bak gua and cging one of my lineart when the programme on tv switches to paid informercials.

And then the answer to my solution popped up.

ZUMBA.

As the poster says, ditch the workout and join the party.

It's a latin fitness program and it is the new thing. "Zumba® fuses hypnotic latin rhythms and easy to follow moves to create a dynamic fitness program that will blow you away."

basically, you're dancing to latin music burning calories and toning your body while you're at it.

Exercising wont seem like a chore anymore!

To me, it's a godsent, because it fuses two of the things ive been dreading to do/learn. And plus if you saw the informercial yourself, you'd be at the edge of your seat. Plus, the success testimonials are so amazing, you just have to give this a try - by going online to illegally download their videos purchase their DVDS. Because it's impossible to go to their crazy booked workshops (which are held in the US).

I found out there's a ZUMBA in KL. D: none in kuching.(someone start one pls)

So, if you want to find out more, click here.

i had a dream

and decided to draw something. lol.

ok.. smaller than expected. Im taking my time cging this one. i dont like how the face has turned up.

CS4 = <3

More twilight bashing

because im bored can.

i have a feeling that this bashing will become more of a habit.

maybe it's time to make a tag for it.

...

nah.

it belongs where it is. the rubbish entries.

----------------------------------------

lolcat/ loldog.

I'm addicted. I check it everyday along with Deviantart,

FB, FML and

Perez.

It's a daily routine. It makes me feel like...

i'm capable of being constant.

Thank Annachuu~

without you i wouldnt be happily using my tablet now. <3

And i just recently downloaded photoshop CS4. Yes, that's right. cs4. My CS2 refused to work, so instead of fixing the problem,i upgraded myself. :)

The only downside is it's kinda laggy. But then i realised that the file i was working on was MASSIVE.

So i decided to give it a go, and to get used to the compatibiliy between my beloved wacom graphire and this new lappie.

So a quick colour of my header. Nothing fancy. was really quick. I dont have much patience anyways. And the nose is weird and mj - like. Meh.

I think im going to play around with photoshop a while longer. =P

Term break

First day of term break and i'm already rotting from the boredom. There's so much to do, like study, clean my toilet, etc - but i cant be effed to do any of those. I need entertainment of somesort.

Mini updates:

Im currently using a new laptop. Long story. Point is, i cant use my tablet, because my tablet driver is all the way in kuching. So even when diligence and inspiration strikes, i'll have to resort to my beloved traditional media. Bad part is i cant post it up online. Dont have a scanner. (there's one in the art room at college tho..)

*sigh*

Missing all of you back home. This shouldnt be an update, because you all know that. <3>ehugs and ekisses for all!

*sigh*

ARIZONA! C: tee hee :insertgiggleiconhere:. How i wish to go there. <3>

*sigh*

It's tiring to keep up with an infatuation isnt it? Sien liau. Gonna give up on this one - for now.

*sigh*

winter~! Cold. But past few days have been moderate. I keep my heater on longer than i should. I'm too malaysian to adjust myself quick enough to the seasonal weather they have here.

*sigh*

exercise. *SIGH*

*sigh*

i need new songs on my ipod. Have over a thousand, but only the stupid mainstream pop songs play when on shuffle. grr.

*sigh*

Gonna use this time to learn spanish. Just bought a spanish-english dictionary. Hope this pays off. Btw, anyone know a dance studio in kuching that offers latin dances? If you do, PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME POR FAVOR. I am desperate to know if there's one. Gracias. :)

*sigh*

I'm using the *sigh*s to seperate the updates, well because im bored. Like pure boredom. Distilled over and over again for the finest feel of boredom.

Oh mon dieu. save me. *sigh*

since i enjoy art classes so much..

And i've been learning tonnes since i've arrived - i'd like to share em with you! That includes a new tag. coz i have nothing better to do - actually, i do.. i'm just lazy

Behold! That effect that Mac's Photobooth (whatever it's called) gives you.. that multicoloured and mutliframed effect. I'm sure you all know what type of art this is.

If you do, you should also know who came up with it. *if you do, good for you!*

Andy warhol,

ladies and gents! The father of pop art.

This guy ushered in a whole new movement, creating works of vivid coloured art using big pop icons and everyday products.

Yep, he's they guy that silk-screened Marilyn Monroe's face.

.. and campbell's soup.

ANDY WARHOL - bow b*tches.

I AM!

a size ten / twelve!

jeng jeng jeng.

size twelve butt mind you.

I recently had an epiphany.. about my size/weight/build whatever you want to call it.

I AM FAT. NO ohnoes smileys and sad faces after. I have accepted that i am flabby here and there, not because i am unmotivated to exercise, or lazy to - but because im somewhat comfortable in my own skin. FINALLY.

If you're reading this and think i need assurance that i'm otherwise, well, thanks. But i am really comfy with how i look right now. :) i'm squishy and huggable too! HAHA. For my height and bone structure (i found out that i actually have a smaller body frame than initially thought), i am .. OVERWEIGHT. jeng jeng jeng. That, perhaps, is the only thing that drives me to exercise. NOT solely because i want to attract ppl a lean body - because i am totally for the fact that real women have curves. *america ferrera ftw!*

I'm not saying im going to binge whenever i desire. I am going to start regular exercises *i already did, but on hold because mom's luggage is sitting on my exercise space* <--excuses ehem , after my mom returns to kuching, just to keep fit and to remind myself that going obese isnt any more of a healthy option than being stick thin (not like i can).

*shit i lost my train of thought*

I'm telling you now, that i am confident the way i am - maybe it's just a result of giving up exercise and healthy eating. Sure it sounds unhealthy.. but im actually eating apples for lunch =.= ok. this is going nowhere. :P

Size ten models. Still fab.

Ok. I've spent a good amount of time staring at those models. They are gorgeous! You just need the right clothes. HAHA. :B

I LOVE MY OWN BODY.

question is, do you love yours

and p.s.

I rock the parakeet hair hard. HAHA.

I've never felt this confident in a while. Took this and didnt photoshp it one bit. :D

doesnt include the scribbles lah.

*had this hairstyle before rihanna did recently, so dont assume that im copying her, tho i dont mind.*

What ive been busy with

Art subject for this course is lots of hard work.

But i feckin enjoy doing it.

Im doing figures, and narrowed down to beauty/

ideal beauty/ cultural practices etc.

What better way than to start with the corset.

sketched this during econs.

got told off. =S

refining sketch phase!

ink on paper. im gonna have to add more to it.

Done on compressed saw. Woodcutting is harder than it looks. D=

If you noticed, the person IS actually getting thinner and thinner.

;( not suppose to . oh well.

-------

Just a quick update.

Went out with aunts, uncle etc etc today. I've gotten chubbier! Yes i have. Note to self: have to stop binging when bored.

I know i constantly claim that im going back to kuching fitter and stuff. I'm working on that. And here comes the reason, it's winter. I can't help it. ;P

Here's the proof to my chubbiness.

And proof that even my cousin (mind you, ive never met her before this) thinks im nuts.

Actually, proof that im not exaggerating my stories when i tell you that strangers on the

streets give me this look...

have a nice day :)

ps. I'm taking doxycycline for my acne (got worse since i came here) , does anyone know if it's one of those "gets worse before getting better" thing? Coz i've been on it for a few days now, and more pimples are erupting. Maybe it's just clearing out? UGH.