I hate my mother.

I used to just ignore what she had to say, but now, i realize it's okay to dislike the woman that made you.

For ten years now, i have been trying to get close to her. All she sees in her children are percentages of success. Fuck you. And because i'm gay, in her eyes that makes me a whore, useless, and will end up a hobo. Well fuck you.

I'm done trying to play daughter to her. She was my caretaker. Never a mother. I could never ask her for advice, because everything i do or did is wrong.

sure, there will be people telling me that they don't have a mother and that i should appreciate her while she's still in my life. I can tell you it's worse when you HAVE a 'mother' that doesn't support you, and hates you for being gay?

asdhflkjsfhlwieuafe FUCKSDF AKSjhasd one more time and i'll break.

Adele, oh, adele.

Adele has such a beautiful voice. A voice that reaches in and pulls out everything you feel.

I never expected anything. So why am i still so attached to someone that i'm absolutely happy to see obviously ecstatic with another?

No one reads this blog anymore.

And so, it's just another place for me to rant.

It's my birthday today. All going great so far. Close friends and family wished me but for some reason I'm still thinking about one person.

Why am i still thinking about her? It's been over 3-4 months and yet it stings like i've been cut yesterday. Maybe I'm terrified that the person that dominate my thoughts doesn't think about me the slightest. Terrified that I mean nothing to her that she can't even remember my birthday.

This is a side effect of tumblr i swear. I am not normally emotional out of the blue. I just can't get her out of my head.


I am disappointed that she hasn't contacted me at all. I'll be crushed if she doesn't for the next few days. If that happens, i will know that i am out of her life. Hold on, i know that very well. After all, it was I that walked out on her life. Nothing dramatic, people. I just had to leave that country due to my expiring visa at the moment.

I am not ashamed to say i still love her and miss her. She treated me like a princess and she helped me mature as the young adult I am today. We grew as a couple. An outstanding beautiful couple with massive potential.

I need sleep. I need her. I WANT her.

Moving on is not hard. Letting go is. Especially when you know you're letting go of something so good. It just doesn't make sense.

;(

im not one of them k-pop culture fan

.... but im sure im turning into one. DARN YOU SHIRLEY NGUI DARN YOU.

I often watch this program called "Invincible Youth" which is sorta like The Simple Life by Paris and Nicole - except with more people and in korean. =) It features a cast of k-pop celebs and i cant lie, but they're pretty amusing to watch.

Give them a try and you'll definitely be laughing along and listening to their music.

On another note, PARK GA HEE. (again, darn you shirley. darn you) Girl crush *SWOON*

I MEAN - she dances amazing! According to someone on youtube- she does MJ's dances better than Usher. respect.

gah.

Awesome smile too!

Publish Post

>:|

Im jealous.

Flying tomorrow

I just came back from being out with gia and char and their friends. Pretty interesting bunch. But i was suppose to be out with jesse and joash doing some zombie killing. =( i feel bad.


But hopefully i get to see them tomorrow before i leave. ;( awesome summer i had. seriously.


Pack. Pack. Gah. And i totally forgot my password for account for my online account. D: now i have to call them and reset a new password. it's going to be frustration LORD. my fault for having a goldfish's memory span.


i miss fwish and teh. =( asdjflasjf

Reviving my blog, passion and fitness

It's 2010 baby!

And I'm determined to get in shape and refuel my passion for the arts - through my blog. Killing three birds with one stone!

I realised that since I came back in December, I've put back on all the weight (and more) I've lost during my stay in Auckland. All this food, outings and family dinners are really catching up on me.

I mean I used to be so comfortable with my own body image. Now, that confidence is blinding me. I really need to keep in shape. But to be fair i did shed fat in NZ. But i know that's not enough!

All that said, Im only starting when i reach back in auckland. Reason?

It's CNY! I can't avoid large family dinners. T^T

GAH.

so yeah

no pictures. dont even bother at all. had a nice night with some people. nice. decent. not too bad.

but then i saw someone that reminded me of someone back in auckland, and no, it's not yasmin. and for some reason lots of people know yasmin already lmao.

tho i do wish i did somethings differently back then, i dont regret it. i learn. :P

sister is taking too long in the toilet D: